Jokes of the week

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down". The second lady says "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!" The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock wood". She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks "Who's there?"
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An old Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed" Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me". But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead. "You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a bigga home and maybe a couple of bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say "TIMES UP?"     
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Two male engineering students meet each other on campus. One says to the other "Hi Bill, Where did you get that new bike?" Bill replies "Well, I was walking to class the other day when this pretty co-ed rode up, jumped off her bike, took off all her clothes and said 'You can have anything you want!'" "Good idea" Bill's friend replied. "Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway".
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Little Johnny and his family was having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer". said his mother. "I don't need to" the boy replied. "Of course, you do" his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house". "That's at OUR house". Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook!"