Jokes of the week

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down". The second lady says "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!" The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock wood". She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks "Who's there?"
--
An old Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed" Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me". But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead. "You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a bigga home and maybe a couple of bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say "TIMES UP?"     
--
Two male engineering students meet each other on campus. One says to the other "Hi Bill, Where did you get that new bike?" Bill replies "Well, I was walking to class the other day when this pretty co-ed rode up, jumped off her bike, took off all her clothes and said 'You can have anything you want!'" "Good idea" Bill's friend replied. "Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway".
--
Little Johnny and his family was having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer". said his mother. "I don't need to" the boy replied. "Of course, you do" his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house". "That's at OUR house". Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook!"

Politically correct terrorists

Humpday

 I almost forgot it was humpday.

Monday special edition, slooty goth girls

Random thoughts

Squishy Saturday

Friday night scary stories

Jokes of the Week

It was my first time visiting Dr Putz for a colonoscopy. I went into his office for my first rectal exam. His new blonde nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room. She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes. After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: A Tube of K-Y jelly, A rubber glove and a beer. When Dr. Putz finally came in I said "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for but can you tell me what the BEER is for?" At that, Doctor Putz became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his new blonde nurse "Damn it, Evelyn! I said a BUTT LIGHT"

A man phones home from his office and says to his wife "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up".

The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off.

A week later, the man returns and his wife asks "Did you have a good trip, dear?" The man replies "Yep, the fishing was great... but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas...?"

His wife smiles and says "Oh, no I didn't... I put them in your tackle box".

Gun control

This little piece of garbagastan was on my Facebook wall this morning.

https://www.facebook.com/buckleyjeppson/posts/10208694092564268

Basically its an emotional argument that presents anecdotal evidence from a clearly biased point of view. This man knows nothing about how firearms work. Superficial cosmetic features and detachable magazines do not make one rifle more dangerous than the another.

He also fails to address the root cause of the problem, people. If someone found a magic lamp and wished away every gun on the planet and wiped away the knowledge to make guns, people would still hurt each other. Its not the tool that hurts people. Its the hand that holds the tool.

Humpday

Bill Whittle and Orlando

I have intentionally not posted anything about Orlando until now.

Babes

because reasons

The Biolite revisited

Yours truly did a review of the Biolite Camp stove back in February for Blue Collar Prepping found here.

TL;DR
Its cool but heavy.

After playing with my Biolite stove a few times, something was bothering me. It was the fact that I have hold my pan above the stove, cook, feed the fire, and do everything else at once while not spilling the contents of the pan. Surely there has to be a better way. I filed that in my to-do list and went about my merry way. Well a few months after my review of the Biolite, I was watching a review of an alcohol stove on You Tube and I was struck with inspiration. I could fix the issue I had with the Biolite and not spend a dime (that I hadn’t already spent). I grabbed an old stainless steel dog food bowl and test fit it to the Biolite. It fit perfectly. Now I had to put my tools to work. I used a jigsaw with a metal cutting blade to cut out the bottom and the holes on the side. Then I used a Dremel with a sanding drum to smooth down the rough edges. 

Now I can set a pan or pot on top of the Biolite and worry about other camp tasks while my food cooks.   

 

Father's Day

Today is father’s day. It’s a day that many people spend with the man that showed them how to be a man. I don’t have that luxury. I’ve lost count but it’s been over a decade since I’ve spoken to my father. The reasons are complicated but to make a long sad story short, the man is incapable seeing other people’s point of view and he also doesn’t agree with my lifestyle. My lifestyle is simply defined as I make my own adult decisions about my life and I live with the consequences of those decisions instead of just doing exactly what he wants when he wants it. I had to audacity as a young adult to get married to a girl he didn’t approve of, move away from my hometown, and start a career he didn’t have the stomach for himself. In other words, I had the courage to live my life when he didn’t when he was in my shoes. He wanted me to stay home in fear of the world and live my life in service to my family. I chose myself. It sounds selfish but my family didn’t need me to stay around. There weren’t sick or immobile. They are more collectivists, whereas I am more individualistic. Our worldviews are incompatible. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when my daughter was born. He couldn’t be bothered to sober up for a few hours to see his first granddaughter or as I thought at the time, his only granddaughter. (side note, I found out a few years ago that I have some half siblings that he kept from family.) The first time her saw her was when she was six months old. He didn’t want anything to do with her. Despite all of this mess and the parts I’m not talking about, I learned how to be a father by not following his very poor example. 

For a large part of the time that I didn’t have my father after we stopped speaking to one another, I had my father in law. He was as close to a real father as I had ever had. We spent time together, when fishing, and generally did adult relationship father-son stuff. Well, come to find out this man was as evil and despicable as my real father but in completely different ways. His betrayal was more hurtful than my blood father. The lies that he told and allowed to be told about my family were the worst kind of things you could say about another human being. He took actions to undermine my wife’s relationship with her siblings. He and his evil wife also tried to destroy my relationship with my wife, his daughter. He was the “perfect” dad to my face and the most evil human being behind my back. The only way we found out was because we reached out to my wife’s siblings to try and rebuild the lost relationship. When we began to compare notes, the truth shined through. During one of the confrontations, he called the cops on me. Luckily, nothing happened. 

The silver lining is that these people no longer have any direct influence in my life. I have grown more as a person since removing the negative influences out of my family’s life. We now surround ourselves with positive people and energy. Those of you that have your fathers and have good relationships with them, I envy you. Enjoy and appreciate what you have.

Squishy Saturday

Friday night scary stories

Guess what day it is?

People helping people

"In the wake of the terrorist attack at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida, some are arguing that the American gun community -- and its overlapping "homophobia" -- is to blame.

Well, law-abiding gun owners haven't had time to respond, because they are too busy offering to teach gays -- and anyone else, for that matter -- how to shoot. And they are offering to cover all expenses.
Read this wonderful post going viral across the country right now:

Yesterday, Mr. CJ told me about a post from an acquaintance of his on Facebook named Erin Palette who was compiling a list of friends willing to teach firearm safety to others for free –particularly to members of the LGBT community.

Take them to the gun range, pay for their range time and ammo, teach them about guns and how to handle them safely – all of it. And these wouldn’t necessarily be whole classes on gun safety. These would be individuals who want to learn the basics of gun safety and gun laws, but don’t know where to start."

You're darn right I'll help you learn about firearms. All you have to do is ask. I don't care who you love or what floats your boat, I'll teach you what I can.

If you want to help too, go here. 

Right angles

Bill and crew nail another one. Check it.

Humpday